Last night I dreamed of money and of my home. President Obama passed a new stimulus bill that would ensure that everyone in the country got a check from between $400 and $600 dollars to help with the economic crisis. If anyone has any experience with working in the developing world you will know that giving money to people in need does little to solve the problem. It also lacks sustainability. Not only was this money intended to be a little boost to people it was also a smoke screen to hide more shenannigans by the people who are getting rich off of the suffering and labor of us all.

Somehow the people of New Mexico knew this. Led by powerful and charismatic leaders there was a unity of thought and rejection of this money. Everyone in the State sent their checks back to the Feds. Then the State declared financial succession. We with drew all of our taxes and monies and trade from the rest of the US. We became independent economically and sustained ourselves. We relied on our natural resources and though we had to let go of things brought in by trade such as yummy sushi and electronics we got back to the Earth. We ate chile and corn and beans and raised goats and chickens and had plenty to be thankful for. The tides passed us by and people looked out for one another and we had less of an impact on the environment. It was truly wonderful... Well I can dream yes?.....

Here are some images that I love and that inspire me.

xoxo

I have been a belly dancer since I was 14. It has always been a part of my life. The belly dance world has seen many changes and in the past decade the popularity of Tribal Fusion dance has soared. So last night I had the pleasure to view the BDSS (Bellydance Superstars) locally as they are on tour. I have some strong opinions about it but hey its my journal right?

So lets start with the intro. IT was cheesy as HELL! OMG! This ridiculous man came on the speakers in a booming pseudo mystical voice telling the "story" of belly dance. There were of course all the common themes such as "sensuous dance form", "mystical Goddess dancers" and the "roads of Egypt, Spain and the East". Yadda Yadda. After that though the dancing began and it was really exciting. I worked in the largest music entertainment/production company in S. Cali for 2 years and know what it takes for that kind of a production. This was truly a professional show.

There were four parts to the show. 1. Tribal Fusion Only sections. 2. American Caberet Only Sections. 3. Solos 4. A mix of cabaret dancers and tribal fusion dancers. I LOVED the tribal gals. They had balls and style and incredible strength, flexibility and technique. The mixed dance routines were alright but I had a hard time wrapping my brain around the two vastly different styles. The caberete sections pretty much sucked. They were gimmicky and full of "stunts" like acrobatics and to my horror one girl who belly danced in point ballerina shoes!! Gah! The troupe cohesion between the tribal girls and caberet girls was vastly different. The tribal dancers were right the fuck on, but the caberet girls were totally off. My friend said they looked like they were show girls or cheerleeders who learned a few belly dance moves. There was no soul or fiery spirit to the caberet dancers. Sigh. There was this spinning piece done by Petite Jamilla that was out of control cool and bad ass. She spun for the whole song and it was amazing.

Over all I loved it and was glad that I went but the tribal dancers were hands down more lovely, talented and precise than the caberet girls.

M

Water. All life from here. Why don't we drink enough? I have been doing an experiment lately with water and my magickal practice. I have been drinking A LOT of water per day, about a gallon. This is a lot for me even though some sources say that this is what you need. The benefits I have noticed are both physical, mental and magickal. Physically I have noticed my tummy has toned up more and I sleep deeper and longer at night. My digestion is also moving and working much better. My emotions are also balancing better too. Well water is the element of the emotions after all. Once I started drinking this much water I noticed a "de-toxifying" of both my body and emotions. It was about the 2nd day I felt like shit and was crying all day. Big catharsis. However, now that I am drinking this much water regularly I am dreaming like mad at night. I have been dreaming of doing spell work and I can vividly see what I am doing and the herbs I am working with. I also have been having more astral experiences and have spoken with several members in my witchcraft community on the astral. While awake I have been doing a lot of spell work in the bath submerged in water. The results are quick, powerful and amazing. So drink more water!!!

I like the word tribe. It feels inclusive, powerful, like I have a choice. It reminds me of tattoos and self expression and fire in the eyes and of wildness, and primal connection to the land. It is something that I create because I am not part of any tribe from my American heritage. I practice tribal belly dance and consider my fellow Feri initiates my tribe. But today while reading Chas Clifton's blog I was struck by the statement that we Pagans are not a tribe. My reaction at first was "Hey yes we are!" but I think that was coming from a place of "I wish we were". His point was that certain groups such as Jews, even if they are not religious, are still Jews. Part of the Jewish tribes. Indigenous Americans also have this "tribal" lineage as well. Clifton points out the fact that because modern Paganism is so inundated with cafeteria spirituality that it lacks the exclusivity of a true tribe. I agree with this. Not in the sense of truly following your individual spiritual path; but that so many people just grab the next "shiny" gimmicky thing in spirituality or witchcraft, then abandon it after a few weeks when it does not work. Spiritual paths are hard, sometimes they suck. They are wondrous and beautiful too but they can be wrought with "dark nights of the soul" and sorrow and pain. Realizations and magickal practice and "enlightenment" if you will take the time, LOTS of time. Many of us don't like this. We want things NOW. We want to see the results immediately and if things get uncomfortable we want to avoid them and head straight to the pleasure. Perhaps this is why so many people fall out of and stop their commitments to the hard work it takes in various magickal traditions or mystical schools. Are you ready to devote your life to the path or are you just gonna play act? How many of us REALLY look into what deep occult schools/traditions are out there and are willing to work and participate? It just seems that with so many definitions, different perspectives and lack of cohesion we cannot really be justified in calling ourselves a "tribe". A "network" we are says Clifton but not a tribe. Perhaps one day we will be a tribe and I will be proud if I ever get to see that day.

Doors are where I wait.
Open and Close and keep things out. Or in.
Keyholes... where I look. Access. See.
Portal Key and Lock. Enter and Penetrate.
Today my door is oaken with copper and brass.
It is old and knowing.
It is beautiful.
Splintered old castle wood.
Though, I am not ready to open it.
Not ready to go through.
Time?
It's all in your head anyway.
So I wait at this doorway.
Wait at pathway.
No hurry here.
Anyway.

Sanguine. It is in the blood they say. Bloodline of witches. We hear it humming with the song of the Earth in our veins. We know all flesh is sacred and we know the blood when we see it. Perhaps that is why we like red wine and sex and poetry. Blood moon and flow sacred ink for our innermost pages. We know our Earth, home and Mother. We sing to Her and sometimes offer our blood to her as she offers hers to us. Sacred Sanguine. Those old mysteries lost to most yet known by some. Not in books you see... but in the whispers and memory of DNA and Iron. Connecting us all and all is ONE. No one can teach you but your own inner blood song. So listen to your heart pumping and soaring your inner rivers... let them speak to you.

Ever since taking the Landmark Forum I have had a very uneasy feeling. While going to the Forum seems to be about making your life the best it can be, getting off your "racketts" and letting go of programing it is itself a form of programming. All this brought to you by experts of manipulation and NLP training with the focus of promoting their financial system with a thin glaze of self work. I wonder though is there a more insidious element within the Landmark Forum? What are the main goals? Why is it so hush hush? My resistance to the Forum and the later Seminar was met with the attitude that there was something wrong with me by the other participants and leaders. That it was "stuff" I had to work out yet my gut, me deep intuition told me that all of this was bogus crap. I kept being reminded of the Church of Scientology and the ranks of carbon copy minions it spits out. When another participant stood and said that he felt that long term Landmark people are creepy to him, that they all are like these strange Stepford wives he was surrounded by the Landmark Stepfords and it was pointed out that the problem was HIS not the community. He sat down and never spoke again. Our ingrained and primal reactions to being shunned by the group are very strong. It is a life or death reaction because to be shunned from the tribe meant certain death out in the wild.

Each seminar I attended I dreaded. I sat through grueling hours each week that wore down my defenses and body as I listened and listened to "getting off my stuff and being an excellent human being". People who believe things are really convincing. But couldn't I be an excellent human being outside of this stuffy weirdo venue? Is only attending Landmark classes going to make me a better human?... Oh I nearly forgot the main transformational message.... "Change the world by supporting the transformation of those around you". Which translates into .... sign up everyone you know into the Landmark Forum so they can make money. You fools. That is just propaganda for a money making machine. I am a fool too... I fell for it. If the message is so great and helpful to a sick world why not give it away for free because frankly most people cannot afford the classes. So why am I ranting about the Landmark Forum/Seminar....? Well.......

I just watched a speech by Donald Rumsfeld who was so scandalous and Evil he was asked to step down by the Bush Administration for fucks sake. A man who committed some of the worst atrocities and war crimes of our century. As I watch his speech he spoke verbatim many of the axioms of the Landmark Forum. It was like he was a Landmark Forum Leader as he spoke to the associated press. I am not kidding you. It made me sick. Did he take the Forum? What kind of message and programing are we receiving when we go to education camps like Landmark? Are we just being prepared when people like Rumsfeld speak so we don't question? Or that when we hear those words we can relate to him and see him as a Friend and not a Foe?

So some money wasted perhaps. I think I am ok and there is not too much damage done. But really I must be more careful with my psyche and I am feeling really disturbed right now.

Mystic kiss upon my lips as wine to blood and blood to love. Drink in the sight of him, peacock eyes of fire, fire upon my skin sweet knowledge, Luciferian Gnosis. Telling all in places seen yet not... Omar Khayam.... speak to me of wine and making love to God. For all I can do is dance. Sephardic chants upon the breeze, latin secrets quiet rest. Kiss me Malik for it all I can do not to turn around and let go to you. Always there behind my neck. Eyes and breath. Remember Rumi in Farsi? Remember the Durga Puja and the eyes of Kali? Remember sigils in chalk and cries of anguish? Remember wine and blood and love? Malik... all is one...
I adore you.

Daily practice, meditation and breath combined with exercise and good food. Without these I am lost. It is amazing to me how important each one of these components is for the magician or witch. In a recent move and the holiday chaos that surrounded me and I let down my discipline in all these areas. Amazing how little time it took for my muscles to tighten up, my tummy to gain weight, depression to set in as the endorphins from exercise left my system. Amazing how the daily magickal and meditative practice got harder and harder to do. Amazing how when I apply my will and make myself do my normal routine it is easy and familiar.

What amazes me as well is the lack of focus on these areas in the modern witchcraft movement. Without all these components (physical health, diet, good sex, breath, meditation) I find magick very difficult to do. I am of course a magick oriented witch, not just a celebratory pagan, and I feel that witches need to learn how to do magick, work with energy and fully be present to their humanity. We are of this world... flesh and blood and bone. Breath the life force of the Gods housed in our bodies and we with the ability to breathe magick and thought into form. There is a reason why all mystic systems require discipline and repetition in their daily practices. Yoga for instance was not created for you to have a killer bod. It was created for the human body to be able to house and move more energy. The killer bod part is just a nice side effect. Energy being moved by the physical form. We have this gift.

So challenge yourself.... try a simple meditation or magickal working. Now try it again after a long walk or exercise class. Notice the difference. Record this. Take note. Experiment. There is a reason why mystic traditions do the "things" they do even if you do not fully believe in those system. Before our overstimulated fast paced anxiety ridden world was fully settled into human beings had more silence and time to listen to themselves. So what are you trying to tell yourself? Where does your magick want to take you?

My goodness! Where have the days gone?.... I have enjoyed my time away from the "groove" of things but am glad now to be back to the groove. Tonight I start my new 10 week beginning witchcraft course. I am excited of course and teaching fills me with joy. I have a beautiful office/class space and it seems to get more and more luscious as the days go by. The students that I have had the pleasure to teach have been thoughtful and insightful. I am looking forward to the next 10 weeks to see how they unfold and where the paths take us.

My creative juices have been flowing and I am writing and painting. It seems like I had been hibernating for a while but perhaps that is what I needed. I saw some old friends this weekend and it was wonderful to share with them and to see them.

So my toes are wiggling... I love to be cosy while it is cold. Old friends have come back. My cats seem to be getting along and the woods whisper to me.

Winter now in my heart. Walked far two days ago into the hills. Into the trees. Took one of them home for a silly custom. Snow is falling hard now and I still have a long way to drive. I can make it if I drive slow. My glasses are broken but they still work. Horses follow me because they are always hungry even when they have just eaten. The wind howls sometimes and I was told that there is a hundred year old shaman who live in a cave somewhere near my new house. Sometimes when I go into my astral wanderings I feel him... elusive... quiet...watching. Will he teach me or just ignore me? I discovered too the petroglyph positions common to all cultures... trance inducing, ecstatic and there is an institute dedicated to these postures in the city to the north of me. Serendipity. I wonder though how dedicated this center is... how experimental... how deep they go. Or are they just on another money making new age band wagon. I am in a central place a vortex. Think I will make wheat free pumpkin pie tonight. Art and my writings are calling to be created. Dead and honored. I will paint you.

Yes sometimes I can let my worry rise up and take over with wave upon wave building into anxiety. But sometimes I can stand back and say.... hmmm..... what can be learned... what have I weathered? Meditation and messages. I find great peace in my daily meditations and messages of cycles. We have been here before... we will not be here forever... we will be here again.

It is ALL spiral. So last night I had a dream that I was going to meet the Dali Lama with my family. I was anxious because I knew they would not behave right, not know what to do. I was embarrassed. Finally we get to the temple and I am a ball of worry and there he is the Dali Lama himself sitting at a beautiful table surrounded by important people and religious leaders. My little 6 year old cousin D is so excited that he runs up yelling "Mr. Lama Mr. Lama"!! and trips on the leg of the Dali Lama's chair and in doing so propels the Dali Lama out of his chair and onto the floor. GASP! Everyone stands anger hits the room, fingers are pointed at me and D and voices are raised. But then the Dali Lama stands and says "children make misteaks and should not be held with the same accountability as an adult." He smiles and pats D on the head.

So perhaps we should give ourselves a break... be gentle and peaceful. Sometimes we are in the flow and sometimes not. Life in this body is a blessing... as always....

M

Crisp and cold... dark time of the year. Time for cocooning and thought. For writing and for art. Time to sip wine with my beloved and bake and tell stories as the wind howls and screams. Time for cozy blankets and hot baths filled with lavender and sage. I am warmed inside too and I want to decorate the house for the Yule season. There are children here. They add warmth and sweetness and help me to stay grounded. The cats are settling in, the dogs too and the horses have grown their think winter coats. Everyone is getting ready for the season. This morning the sun was a golden orange belt on the horizon and a cutting mist shrouded the valley and up into the mountains. Winter in the desert can be as brutal as the summer but always beautiful in its severity.

So I think of those who I love and who love me. I think of the beloved dead and ancestors. I feel lucky and blessed. In this time of struggle I think of the gifts I have and the people I know. I think of this upcoming year and what it will bring and I am excited to begin anew. There is warmth in my tummy and heart. I am right where I am supposed to be. It feels good. Community and tribe here in the mountains. Beauty in simple things.

xoxoxo

Not quite. I have been sick for a week but am finally feeling better and I just got these pictures from Maui. I will write more up to date things after the holidays. So here are a few pics of Eric and I on a cattle drive. I learned a lot of things I had no idea about and saw much beauty that day as I helped to round up cattle, brand and sort. Well... I think I helped anyway... It was an amazing experience and I found that people who work the land have more affinity and respect for it. These cowboys and ranchers that I met that day revered the land they worked and I could relate to their love from my pagan sensibilities. It was a great day.

Life giving Earth. Mother. Fecund and Black. From you all emerges and unto you all returns. Sacred Plants and Herbs. Sad to see your green growing things second to the meat. Seen in myths such as God's disdain for Cain and his plants and love for the scent of Abel's burning meat flesh. I see a direct connection to the fertility of the Mother Earth and societies of Goddess worshiping people who lived with more equality and the connection of meat herding peoples of arid regions who live by war and dominance. Still to this day. Open sacred sexuality? Not in the desert. Perhaps in the fertile jungle areas where food falls from the trees. Mother gives life. Sex is sacred. Female is sacred. Sacred marriage.

Long gone now, conquered and pillaged of course, are the egalitarian agrarian societies that worshiped the Mother Goddess and held female sexuality sacred. Conquered, raped, mutilated and enslaved; but there are memories. There are vestiges. There are witches. So where do we as modern technologically non-believing people fit? Do we continue to equate male dominance with the sexual violence of women? Do we cut ourselves further and further away from living in harmony with our sexual beings? Do we pillage the Earth until there is nothing left? Why care if this Earth is Hell, flesh is bad and there is only salvation in Death? Blood God, Cannibal worshipers who eat of him. Can you not see how backward this thinking is?

Sacred Vagina. Womb and cave.... place of the spark of creation and of magick....

My friend the author Tim Ward writes of his coming to terms with the Goddess, femininity and female sexuality in his book "Savage Breast". He is not a pagan. But he writes from the perspective of a male who bought into the domination model of life; that of using and oppressing women and who never felt connected until he faced the Goddess and came to terms with Her power. I find him to be a brilliant inspiration in times like these.

So witches.... where do we go from now? Do we stay hidden and safe or do we go out into the world with our knowledge and skills to bring back the sacred? I suppose we are each called to different paths but I feel that a shift is on the winds now. I feel Her. She is breathing more rapidly now... eye lids fluttering... soon to awaken.... soon.....

My thoughts about the Haleakala Crater have been permeating for a few weeks now. I spent 3 days inside the crater at the ranger cabin. Most people never make it in that far and we rode horses in and packed all our food and goods in as well. The landscape started as a black desert with high black sand dunes streaked with red sand. We started down them for miles of rocky switchbacks. Every time my horse turned the corner it seemed as if he fell out from underneath me and I had visions of tumbling down the rocky ledges.

Once down we traveled through lava fields of various kinds from the oozing flowing kinds that looked like cake icing to razer sharp fields that looked frozen in movement. Among these fields grew the amazing silver sword plants that were chrome silver in color blooming once every 10 years. Passing these amazing plants we moved into a more desert type landscape with scraggly bushes and grass. It was at this point my horse decided to take off with me at break neck speed. Running as fast as he could to some far off point him micro horse brain decided to take me too. I tried to yell for help but the words came out so soft. So I did all I could think of which was to maintain my balance and I yanked his head hard right and he did a crazy horse donnut in the dirt. I kept him doing donuts until another rider come to hold his reins for me. I am a novice rider and my adrenaline was rushing through me!

Later we came though a pass that the clouds misted into and as the cloud cover opened up a tropical paradise was revealed. Inside the crater was a lush area filled with grass, ferns, geese and flowers. We had entered another world. Waterfalls came down the walls of the crater and splashed into unknown places. I felt I was in a sacred place of the Gods.




Once I noticed the Spirits they noticed me. For all the beauty of this place it had been violated and there was much anger. Once a holy pilgrimage site, place of worship and burial grounds it was now a state park traversed by tourists from all places. Later in the night while going to the out house alone in the misted dark I felt them all around me. "Leave!" said they "You are not welcome here!". I stated that I came with peace and love in my heart but the anger was beyond rationality. So I called on my ancestors and guides for protection. My sleep was plagued with nightmares of the end of the world. Of war and of sadness and loss. Two other non-Hawaiian women were also plagued with nightmares.

On the way back we rode through a burial ground. A great volcanic rock wall spanned for many meters marking the places the dead lay. Later we passed a "bottom-less" pit in the mountain. Like a gaping maw it was open and hungry for blood. The park had fenced it off but I had a hard time keeping my eyes off of it. It seemed to breathe. One of the cowboys I rode with told a story that one time riding by a great wind ripped his jacket off his saddle and sucked it down into the hole. Being the stubborn man he was he decided to go get it. His friends roped him down and he said he had never been so afraid for his life going as far as 40 feet to rescue his jacket. His blood ran cold and he felt a presence down there and would never go near that hole again. He took a long draw on the flask of crown he was carrying and rode off. Later my partner told me that the ancient Hawaiians would sacrifice people to the mountain in that hole. A myth? Perhaps.... or perhaps not.





Coming round another cinder cone we came to a magnificent place of color. The ground was streaked with violet, blood red, acid green and orange sand. A place called Pele's Paint Pot. It was amazing and further up a strange out cropping of razor lava formed a crescent moon about 7 feet high. At that point I began to shake. The spirits were racing back and forth and I could feel the energy racing like static electricity. My hands were shaking so hard that another rider came up to me and asked me if I was ok and what was happening. I was honest. I told her that this was a sacred site and that outsiders were not welcome in the crescent. That this was a pilgrimage place for the Hawaiians and a place where they worshiped their ancestors. That there were offerings in the walls of the crescent. She asked if I had been here before and how I knew all that. I told her that I had never been here before and that I knew that because it is what the spirits just told me. She said only people from the Islands knew about that crescent.

We rode on for several more hours and by the time we were out I was glad to be off my horse, out of the saddle and away from the Spirits.

Weeks later my partner who is native Hawaiian opened up to me. He told me that Madame Pele is very angry. That the tourists are bad for the crater and that it is only a matter of time before she erupts. There is much trouble for the people of Hawaii. He was sad and when I told him of my experiences with the Spirits he said he was not surprised. He said that the crater should have been left as a sacred site not open to outsiders.

We did it. I feel relief and joy. I feel like things will begin to change and that the darkness of the last 8 years is being washed away. Thank you America. Blessings and Love to the American people and to Obama.

My holiday mood is slowly fading away as I return to the routine of my life. Routine is good and I am getting back into the swing of things. Although cleaning my apartment is not really happening.... hmmm...

However, being back home and at work is good. My new series of classes have started and things are going really well. I have had the urge to begin painting again. This creativity comes and goes for me over the years. So this past weekend I walked Canyon Road in Santa Fe with my mom to get inspired by art and artists. It was a beautiful day sunny and bright and the air was crisp and cold. We visited many galleries with some amazing art, most of it Southwestern. I then came to the Chalk Farm Gallery representing Vladimir Kush whose art is AMAZING. It is new to its location but not a new gallery. As I walked through the incredible art housed there and the fountains, koi ponds, whimsical sculptures and lush green plants I recognized the building. It was built by my father over 20 years ago and was a building that he considered to be one of his best pieces of art. He designed and built a faceted domed glass ceiling that has been famous locally since it was created. The building was originally a restaurant. When he was designing my father was an amazing artist of brick and mortar. Just being there inspired me to my very blood. I am in need of a break from what I am doing now. Like writers and thinkers I am craving a quiet place where I have no pending obligations (aka my day job) where I can create my art, be in nature and write. It is funny because when I joined the Peace Corps I left bustling Southern California with the idea that I would be isolated in a village somewhere, where I could think and be and live simply. Instead I was sent to the most bustling, populated country in SE Asia and I got a cell phone! Journey... I am moved in so many strange ways I am no longer shocked with what my heart craves to do. Create what I need here and now. Walk in Beauty.

Take a peek at Chalk Farm and Vladimir: http://www.chalkfarmgallery.com/

Blessings.... Maya

Back to the cold of the Rockies... Back from paradise. Maui was incredible and such a beautiful place. Energy is strong there. I had a much needed time away. Beach and sand, family and good food. Eric and I stayed up in the lush mountains of his father's ranch. I had a wonderful time in the beauty of that place. Many new things have transpired for me and I am so happy. I feel renewed in my life here as well. Samhain approaches and I have many plans.....

Blessings.....